# Half of 2020
Monday, June 22, 2020 / permalink
June is almost over. I haven't write anything regarding 2020.
Mac 2020 - since the global pandemic hit us and locked us down, we literally stayed at home. Some people lost their families. We were paranoid. We were afraid. Front liners risking their lives. Some shared their skills. Some improved their skills. Some developed something. Came out with many projects. Some lost their jobs. Some still struggling. Some desperately need money and food. Some spent more time with the love ones. Some were way too far from their love ones. New quarantine-inspire songs came out.
We puasa without bazaar. I have a wish, I mean like every year memang ada keinginan untuk khatam. Surprisingly, I khatam this year with my man, Helmi. Who would've thought of that? He led the way. I tried to finish 2 juzk a day just to kejar him. Cause I was on my period for the first week of Ramadan. Alhamdulillah, kita berjaya khatam a week before raya. Few days before period semula. This Ramadan was so special cause we both able to restrain ourselves from sinful things. It was a meaningful Ramadan thanks to him. Benda kita rasa impossible tu rupanya possible ya?
We raya without balik kampung. We put so much effort to get the raya vibes. Abah bought the "dapur". Mum bought new periuk and it's bigger than ever. We cooked rendang, we bought lemang, we had kuah kacang and nasi impit just like our normal raya. Just this time, we were at home. Alhamdulillah, I was happy despite everyone can't balik kampung and met their families, they still enjoying their raya in their own way. At least takda lah that bad right? Alhamdulillah.
I landed a new job few weeks after MCO. Alhamdulillah they still hired me. It's a part of the doa from my mum and my jiran who went to umrah. Alhamdulillah for the job. I can pay for my car again. Dapat tolong family and friends. Overall, I'm grateful that my parents are so supportive.
I baked cookies. I decided to keep jual cookies, cause Covid taught me that I need to have second source of income. Current job tatau secure sampai bila. So, I baked every weekend. Ainul, was very supportive that he often bought my cookies. I decided to be like him. I wanna support my friends just like how he supported me. Semoga aku sentiasa murah rezeki. Helmi said, this time it's our time to give back to our friends yang dah banyak tolong us. After raya, alhamdulillah my cousin bought few jars and bagi kat hospital. And people from the hospital started to buy. I barely have time hahaha cause I'm too busy. I decided to sell something with Aisyah. Saja suka suka. At least she has something to do. Tapi I won't stop. I must be working sementara masih larat. I just need to be organised and ikut jelah timeline. No no no. Dont say no. Unless I try.
Half year of 2020. I decided not to ketepikan agama. Not anymore. 2020, I finally found my way out. Iman turun naik I know. But I was so lost maybe cause I was jobless so I felt useless. Felt like a burden. I wanted to kill myself. Even before I was jobless, I was really lost, my aim drifted, I didn't really know what I should do. I lived to live. Then this year, I decided to change. I decided to forget the grudge I hold towards Helmi, for throwing me a lot of emotional pain. It was hard, then I bought a tafsir for him to ensure that I will get rid the grudge and forget every mistake he did. Then, I allowed myself to move on and not to recall every painful moment I had with him. And try to forget every traumatic experience. I need to make sure that I'll recite quran and read tafsir tafsir so, I won't get astray. I understand a lot. I understand life better after reading quran. I soothe myself with tafsir. I pray a lot for my families and friends. I push myself whenever I feel somalas. I have to be positive again. Be open to any changes and opportunities. Then, I found the life, I once had. The life where I don't care about anyone who is above me. But I rather be grateful for everything I have. And I feel enough. Finally, I found it.
But above all, I am grateful, cause when I decided to change for good. This time, Allah pun buka kan hati Helmi. So, we change together. Not much. Tapi still lah for us, it's better than the old us. Slowly but surely. We were not like this before. Then ,we realised that we gain a lot after putting Allah as priority. Back then, I often thought that choosing the right partner is important. IT IS STILL IMPORTANT!!!! But I have this thing that, if you takda strong prinsip kan, then if you be with the good one, you'll be good. And vice versa. It is still true. Cause if you salah pilih, it will lead to immoral behaviour (not acceptable both by society and religion). But recent incident, change my perspective. Hidayah milik Allah. No matter how good or bad, of course if once hidayah sampai to that person, nothing can change the fact that the person will be better than you. You can change. But I'm grateful that we become better together.
We both went through a lot of things together, the ups the downs. Social media is just the outer layer of us. The rest is between us. Mi, you make me happy. You change for you and for us. You become better and you see how becoming better gives positive impact in your life. I hope we'll stay true and loyal to each other. I hope you would forget all the bad things I said to you. I hope you also forgive me for putting so much trouble in your life. I hope we can understand each other better. Thank you for always giving the best of you. For improving. I hope we always remember all the good things we spent together. I hope we remember how hard back then and how we survived the bad days. How we get the rhythm. Until we be able to dance happily despite the differences we have. We stuck with each other okay? I love you.
"We gon thru a lot, worse than this pon ad. We can do it"
Mac 2020 - since the global pandemic hit us and locked us down, we literally stayed at home. Some people lost their families. We were paranoid. We were afraid. Front liners risking their lives. Some shared their skills. Some improved their skills. Some developed something. Came out with many projects. Some lost their jobs. Some still struggling. Some desperately need money and food. Some spent more time with the love ones. Some were way too far from their love ones. New quarantine-inspire songs came out.
We puasa without bazaar. I have a wish, I mean like every year memang ada keinginan untuk khatam. Surprisingly, I khatam this year with my man, Helmi. Who would've thought of that? He led the way. I tried to finish 2 juzk a day just to kejar him. Cause I was on my period for the first week of Ramadan. Alhamdulillah, kita berjaya khatam a week before raya. Few days before period semula. This Ramadan was so special cause we both able to restrain ourselves from sinful things. It was a meaningful Ramadan thanks to him. Benda kita rasa impossible tu rupanya possible ya?
We raya without balik kampung. We put so much effort to get the raya vibes. Abah bought the "dapur". Mum bought new periuk and it's bigger than ever. We cooked rendang, we bought lemang, we had kuah kacang and nasi impit just like our normal raya. Just this time, we were at home. Alhamdulillah, I was happy despite everyone can't balik kampung and met their families, they still enjoying their raya in their own way. At least takda lah that bad right? Alhamdulillah.
I landed a new job few weeks after MCO. Alhamdulillah they still hired me. It's a part of the doa from my mum and my jiran who went to umrah. Alhamdulillah for the job. I can pay for my car again. Dapat tolong family and friends. Overall, I'm grateful that my parents are so supportive.
I baked cookies. I decided to keep jual cookies, cause Covid taught me that I need to have second source of income. Current job tatau secure sampai bila. So, I baked every weekend. Ainul, was very supportive that he often bought my cookies. I decided to be like him. I wanna support my friends just like how he supported me. Semoga aku sentiasa murah rezeki. Helmi said, this time it's our time to give back to our friends yang dah banyak tolong us. After raya, alhamdulillah my cousin bought few jars and bagi kat hospital. And people from the hospital started to buy. I barely have time hahaha cause I'm too busy. I decided to sell something with Aisyah. Saja suka suka. At least she has something to do. Tapi I won't stop. I must be working sementara masih larat. I just need to be organised and ikut jelah timeline. No no no. Dont say no. Unless I try.
Half year of 2020. I decided not to ketepikan agama. Not anymore. 2020, I finally found my way out. Iman turun naik I know. But I was so lost maybe cause I was jobless so I felt useless. Felt like a burden. I wanted to kill myself. Even before I was jobless, I was really lost, my aim drifted, I didn't really know what I should do. I lived to live. Then this year, I decided to change. I decided to forget the grudge I hold towards Helmi, for throwing me a lot of emotional pain. It was hard, then I bought a tafsir for him to ensure that I will get rid the grudge and forget every mistake he did. Then, I allowed myself to move on and not to recall every painful moment I had with him. And try to forget every traumatic experience. I need to make sure that I'll recite quran and read tafsir tafsir so, I won't get astray. I understand a lot. I understand life better after reading quran. I soothe myself with tafsir. I pray a lot for my families and friends. I push myself whenever I feel somalas. I have to be positive again. Be open to any changes and opportunities. Then, I found the life, I once had. The life where I don't care about anyone who is above me. But I rather be grateful for everything I have. And I feel enough. Finally, I found it.
But above all, I am grateful, cause when I decided to change for good. This time, Allah pun buka kan hati Helmi. So, we change together. Not much. Tapi still lah for us, it's better than the old us. Slowly but surely. We were not like this before. Then ,we realised that we gain a lot after putting Allah as priority. Back then, I often thought that choosing the right partner is important. IT IS STILL IMPORTANT!!!! But I have this thing that, if you takda strong prinsip kan, then if you be with the good one, you'll be good. And vice versa. It is still true. Cause if you salah pilih, it will lead to immoral behaviour (not acceptable both by society and religion). But recent incident, change my perspective. Hidayah milik Allah. No matter how good or bad, of course if once hidayah sampai to that person, nothing can change the fact that the person will be better than you. You can change. But I'm grateful that we become better together.
We both went through a lot of things together, the ups the downs. Social media is just the outer layer of us. The rest is between us. Mi, you make me happy. You change for you and for us. You become better and you see how becoming better gives positive impact in your life. I hope we'll stay true and loyal to each other. I hope you would forget all the bad things I said to you. I hope you also forgive me for putting so much trouble in your life. I hope we can understand each other better. Thank you for always giving the best of you. For improving. I hope we always remember all the good things we spent together. I hope we remember how hard back then and how we survived the bad days. How we get the rhythm. Until we be able to dance happily despite the differences we have. We stuck with each other okay? I love you.
"We gon thru a lot, worse than this pon ad. We can do it"
