Hi semua. I have an entry to write pasal my experience using Jungle Train from Gemas, Negeri Sembilan to Wakaf Bharu, Kelantan. Tapi still have no mood to write about it.
Alhamdulillah, my life now has been filled with so many activities. Looking back at my monthly planner, I basically had no proper rest. The only time I get well rested, masa demam je bulan 2 haritu. Yes. Then continued being busy with my life and making time for everyone. One day, I wanna have my own sweet time like pergi spa.
Today I just wanna share my Ramadan experience. This month, I made extra preparation for Ramadan, Since I have an iPad, it was easier for me to make a Ramadan Planner. I had only 3 main goals for this Ramadan. Which were to khatam, sedekah and complete my tadabbur class.
But, since I'm still WFH, I decided to sell my qookies! Why? because I spent too much since January and I needed to cover all my spending. My target was RM1.5k only which around 60 balangs. Alhamdulillah within few days of promoting, I reached my target and it was more than that. Thanks to my friends and families for supporting me. Anyway, even though I'm working from home, my shift starts at 1pm-10pm. But I already planned my baking time. Starts from early Ramadan, I bancuh the ingredients after finished working and I continued baking before I started working. The process starts two days before my RD (Mon & Tue). Each week, I have to make around 20 balangs. Thus, I baked around 11 balangs a day from Thur to Sun.
Ini contoh jadual :
10pm Khamis - bancuh
9am Jumaat - bake
1pm to 10 pm - kerja
10pm Jumaat - bancuh again and repeat until Sat/Sun (sampai cukup target)
During my RD, I went out and delivered the cookies. First week, I settled for Melaka area. Second week, for Pahang, Negeri Sembilan and Johor. Third week in KL / Selangor area.
Penat tak? Gila ke tak penat. But alhamdulillah my mum was my biggest supporter, she helped me a lot. Without her, I believed I gave up. I almost gave up. I wanted to make time for everyone. Of course ada banyak hati nak jaga. but sometimes I cannot control anything. Sometimes tersalah cakap or plan lari. I just hope some of them understand that I cannot control anything. I admitted my fault and deeply sorry.
Masa third week, we (me and Aisyah) went to KL, before pergi KL, I went to Nilai and Puchong settle kan barang-barang Ude. Luckily ada Aisyah to help me. Then, I drove to Bukit Jalil passed the cookies to Nasreen. Then, I went to Mid Valley sebab nak settle kan order. Dah sakit kepala sebab terlalu panas, then balik rumah sekejap. I had to wait for Madi at 6pm and we both pergi ke Foodsbury, Shah Alam for iftar. Pergi Shah Alam masa tu jammed lah orang balik kerja. The journey from KL-Shah Alam jadi sejam. Luckily ada Madi kat sebelah, at 6.40pm suddenly Atikah texted us and cakap half of our order takda and kena order baru. Bayangkan we booked and paid already for the meal tau. Bagitau lewat semua takda stock. Sampai at 7pm kat situ, then borak and masa berbuka only 3 je meals yang sampai. Paling malang sekali, I waited for my food sampai 8.20pm. No sign me and Atikah's meal will come, so Atikah's husband cancelled the order and we decided to eat at Pelita since we both tak makan lagi. I already had my migraine dari siang and tak makan lagi for berbuka dengan harapan makanan sampai cepat. But hancur musnah harapan ku. Rasa gigil badan and nak marah je. Tapi nak marah pun tak boleh sebab the staff pun penat and only sorang je waiter. Jadi sabar jelah. Plan lari teruk, sebab awalnya my plan after I had my iftar, I supposed to deliver the cookies to my cousin in Kota Kemuning (which is exactly sebelah Klang ye) and Elia in KD. Both memang different directions which kalau fikir balik, tak larat. But I only delivered to Farah je before I went home sebab memang lalu Subang. Both of them tak sempat sebab my head hurt teruk and my body memang dah bagi sign it was my limit. Esok tu baru lah hantar kat Kota Kemuning. Tapi dua dua tu memang different direction and I can't drive jauh dah. But I knew, my actions hurt someone's feeling yelah last minute changing plan. Tbh, I wanna make time for everyone, I don't wanna hurt anyone pun but I can't control certain things. But, I learnt from my mistake and will plan nicely later. It was my fault and deeply sorry.
After fikir semula, after this.. whenever I wanna deliver cookies yang banyak, I want people to come and pickup their order. I wanna deliver the cookies myself to show appreciation. Tapi, I admitted tak larat because I work, bake and deliver it myself. But to save my energy, I hope they don't mind if they can collect their cookies in future time.
Today 20/4/2022, migraine still ada. Dah 3 hari straight ya. Something happen juga, my body aches and tak larat nak kerja sebab penat and sakit kepala. Then, 15 minutes before iftar, period pula. Nasib baik tengah sakit perut and terus pergi toilet and perasan. Sad a bit. but it's okay because Allah must prepare something good for me. Memang lah plan lari lagi, because if period hujung Ramadan (as what I expected), I can start kemas rumah and all out for baking. I have another 6 more juzk to complete my quran.... within 3 days dah plan dah nak habiskan. Tapi apakan daya, saya hanya merancang. Tapi think again, I can focus with tadabbur class yang dah tak keep track. Also, I can have 10 Ramadan terakhir tu. Alhamdulillah jelah for everything. Plan gua lari takpa, because I can control my emotion. Tapi kalau plan yang melibatkan orang lain lari, fuh susah hati.
Bulan ramadan ni, selalu teruji kesabaran dan kemarahan. I remembered I was tired and memang takda mood langsung to talk. Tapi Baem was so nice and dia bagi nasihat. Even though he's no longer there with me, I just wanna quote him.
"teruskan menjadi anak yang soleh dan selalu ada di sisi ibu dan abah. It's okay, jangan fikirkan ikhlas kerana solat itu juga perlu dipaksa baru diterima ikhlas. Jadi, teruskan je tolong family sendiri okay."
"Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan sayang... moga Allah gantikan kepenatan sayang dengan ganjaran yang lebih besar. rest well sayang.. jangan stress okay. Ingat penat bekerja adalah penat yang disukai Allah. Moga positif selalu."
Within less than a month mengaji, ada satu ayat ni sangat-sangat tertarik and also become one of my fave.
"Atau adakah (mereka menolak seruanmu itu kerana) engkau (Muhammad) meminta kepada mereka sesuatu pemberian (sebagai hasil pendapatan seruanmu)? (Ini pun tidak!) Kerana engkau percaya pemberian Tuhanmu lebih baik, dan Dia jua sebaik-baik Pemberi Rezeki" (Al-mu'minuun 23: 72)
Ayat ni macam soothing after rasa few times buat hampir semua benda and orang lain tak tolong-tolong kita and macam terbit rasa tidak ikhlas dalam diri. Like tertanya-tanya sampai bila? kenapa? and nak ungkit? and why me? why you don't. Tulis ni pun rasa boleh nak nangis sebab teringat. Then, kebetulan I read this ayat few days after rasa sedih and kecewa. I think, it's okay, I change my mindset, I do it for Allah. Balasan Allah lebih baik daripada balasan manusia yang kita tertunggu-tunggu dia tolong kita. Selagi ada kudrat, I will always help my mum.
That's all for my sharing today. I want to always remember this Ramadan. It is special to me even though masih teruji. To my dear Ibrahim Ishak, I might lost you now. Your existence might be short, but you gave huge impact to my life. I will always remember your advice "sabar. not to gelabah, jangan buat semua and buat satu-satu" which makes me realized, I need to respect my limit. i know my limit, tapi selalu tak respect the limit which I force myself then tada! moody. YES one step at time. Semoga awak selalu dalam lindungan Allah dan dipermudahkan urusan dunia dan akhirat. Sorry we can't heal together.
