so today i feel like writing about this one person. she's really a pain in my ass. why i said that? bcs i dont have a boyfriend but idk how much my heart cried over this friendship. that was the time i realized no matter how much i tried to make myself happy, happiness is not even always belong to me. but it's okay. u know, without this girl i probably live in fantasy. fantasize about sweet and happy things. yet this life should be colorful. there will be black, white, yellow or even grey. they will be rain, sunshine and rainbow. haha. thank you for that. though i really appreciate the experience she gave me but i might never forget the painful moment too (': yet. i really hope that one day i could forget that (as i am quite forgetful).

alright.
as we were completing our research lately, she always said that we were a great partner. we made a good pair. she said that she loves me. awwwwhhh. honestly how much i denied pun, i cant say i dont love you. of course, despite the tragic moment happened in our friendship, i just cant deny that i love you too girl. tapi tulah. confessing or admitting or suddenly ada deep conversation pasal hati memasing ni i mean between two people is quite awkward. hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha. sorry but i hope she can understand big girl. really hope that.

why?
why i dislike to admit face to face. hahaha bcs tah lah. malu. kot. idk. malu. lol. and awkward.

why?
why i love her?
c'mon man. we've been working together for three years kot. like i mean if group berdua, kita bagai ditakdirkan bersama. ecewah. though honestly i was like "you again?". and she was like "aku dah muak dengan kau". jhahahahahah tp i dont mind bcs she was truly amazing man. other people wouldn't understand me better than her. i bet that. (except for my mum and 'you') sebab apa weh? sebab aku tau perangai aku ni unpredictable. sometimes i could be as kind as angel weh hahahahahaha ok tipu. tak most of the time aku cam setan. huargh when mood tak betul aku seriously tak betul for certain period. if i feel like marah, i would just marah. if i feel serabut and i will show my serabut face without hiding anything. i just can't hide anything. my expression, my feelings i just can't. i just show almost everything except love. hahahahaha. idk lah weh. sebenarnya tak ramai pun boleh faham weh. memang takan ada ramai pun boleh faham kita. but just glad weh. just glad this girl actually can bear with me. that's why she's amazing. dia tahu bila aku tak betul, dia akan tunggu aku chill instead of buat otak aku lagi serabut. other than that, aku bukan jenis yg care sangat pun weh pasal orang. just lucky this girl actually managed to understand this. my ignorance tu. hahaha. like i mean of course anyone boleh terasa because i totally tak tunjuk i care or apa just when i think it's necessary then only i worried ke apa. tah lah. aku rasa kalau orang lain lama boleh angkat kaki. but again she's amazing. she never left me behind. yet. not just that, aku jugak jenis yang mulut boleh tahan pedas. terlalu jujur kot doh and menyakitkan hati. most of the times aku annoying. hahaha. couldn't help that. i am quite childish i can say that. and even selfish. i mean like i love when people take care of me but i won't do the same. enough if i ever be there for you when u're needed. lol. teruk en? just wondering how can this girl actually bear with my shitness. lol.

just thank you girl. thank you for everything. for the tasty food you cooked. for your hospitality. for being a mum and a sister. jaga barang aku bila aku terlupa tahap hilang akal. for using your dusty brain keluarkan idea. hahaha. tapi kau tak terkecuali dari jadi annoying jugak eh. hahahaha. just thank you bcs u be able to sabar and tahan dengan semua yg aku dah bagi. whatever it is, i just hope that kau boleh maafkan kesalahan aku lah hendaknya. i knew i hurt u. like i dont really care as much as u care. i just dont treat you the way you deserve. sorry for that. but honestly u are amazing. i hope and pray you for the best bcs an amazing woman like you deserve someone as amazing as you. i hope that u will be the last clingy and annoying person i ever met. bcs i am not sure i be able to handle any clone of you hahahahah except my future husband. lol. and yes. that amazing girl is you nur rafidah binti husni 2013684194 13th september 1994.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow's mystery (: - JT